Geek vs. Nerd

WinPCap, C#, and VS2010

2011-10-26T18:09:00.009Z

All I wanted to do was a send a single crafted packet in my C# application. Was that too much to ask? Apparently, yes. If you ended up looking at this post, you're probably having a similar issue. If you're trying to write a C# program in VS2010 that needs to send a custom individual packet, here's what you can do:

Step 0: (AKA: My setup before starting) Windows 7 Ultimate & Visual Studio 2010 Professional. This isn't necessarily required, it's just what I'm running.

Step 1: Download PCap.Net. Chances are, if you're trying to do something along these lines, you're already familiar with libpcap (the Linux library that tcpdump & Wireshark are built on) or WinPCap (the Windows C/C++ library that projects like Wireshark use on Windows systems). PCap.Net is a wrapper for WinPCap written in C, C++, & C#. It is made specifically for importing WinPCap functionality into C# / .NET projects. You need to download the most recent "Developer's Pack" and extract it somewhere on your machine.

Step 2: In your Visual Studio Project, Right-click on "References" in your Solution Explorer and select "Add Reference..."

Select the "Browse" tab at the top and navigate to your extracted PcapDotNet Developer's Pack. Decide if you are creating an x64 (64-bit) or x86 (32-bit) project and select the appropriate directory.

Once inside, navigate to 3rdParty/PcapDotNet. In this directory you will see several .dlls:

PcapDotNet.Analysis.dll

PcapDotNet.Base.dll

PcapDotNet.Core.dll

PcapDotNet.Core.Extensions.dll

PcapDotNet.Packets.dll

Highlight all of these .dlls (ctrl+A) and select "OK." You should now see them all listed under "References." You're now ready to get started with Pcap.NET!

Visit the PCap.NET project website for code examples on packet crafting, packet capturing, enumerating NIC (network interface card) information, and other related topics.

DVD Ripping: Intro

2010-09-08T22:54:00.001Z

My first few posts are going to be a series of HOWTOs. I've been working on ripping my DVD collection so I can a) watch them on my droid, and b) let people borrow them without being terrified they'll scratch the disc all to pieces. To paraphrase my boss, there are only so many times you're willing to buy the same Pixar movie because of irremovable PB&J fingerprints.

On that note, let me just say that, if you're here & reading this because you're some kind of script kiddy trying to augment his DVD collection for free, then screw you. It's self-absorbed cretins like you that motivated the content distributors to start infecting our media with DRM. So unless you actually own the movies you're trying to rip, go get your piracy walkthroughs somewhere else.

There. That should be a sufficient disclaimer.

So when "ripping" a DVD, there are a few different things we are talking about. I'll try to make an analogy with CDs since it's probably a safe assumption that anyone trying to figure out how to rip a DVD has probably already ripped a few CDs.

When ripping a disc, there are usually three different results a person is going for:

1) An exact copy of the disc

2) An exact copy of the media files on the disc.

3) A portable version of the disc's contents.

Looking at these from the perspective of a CD, we would want the rip to produce:

1) A copy of anything on the disc, including uncompressed audio files and extra features such as flash videos, images, weblinks, or other "extra features."

2) Uncompressed audio files, probably .aac files on the order of 100 MB per song.

3) .mp3 or .ogg files on the order of 5-10 MB per song.

You're probably the most familiar with the third option, since it's what you would use in your iPod, smartphone, or other mp3 device. But numbers 1 & 2 also have their uses, especially when we start to consider DVD movies. With DVDs, we have the same 3 options, only with a few extra details:

1) An exact copy of the disc, (although we may want to remove region encoding so we can watch it wherever we are).

2) An exact copy of the movie, (which may not include the menu, trailers, special features, subtitles, or even language track you want).

3) A portable version of the movie, probably a .mp4 file you can view on your iPod, smartphone, or similar device. File size can range, but something along the order of 750MB for 1 hour works as a "rule of thumb."

My next few posts will address each of these points, and address further possible issues you may come across.

Return of the nerd

2010-09-08T12:24:00.001Z

So I've decided to start this back up again. I recently got a Droid and found the "blogaway" app, so maybe I can use my commute time to post more regularly. It will still be covering pretty nerdy topics most of the time, from computer/technology topics to comic books & sci-fi/fantasy.

If you find a post helpful or entertaining, please let me know by leaving a comment. Otherwise it just seems like I'm talking to myself.

Nerd Points: Academic Achievement

2007-11-30T04:28:00.000Z

Article V: Academic Achievement

To maintain fairness in comparing two nerds, points should only be counted for the lowest level of education that both candidates had the opportunity to achieve. For instance, a PhD student cannot count points accrued in college or graduate school when comparing themself to a high school student. However, the PhD student may count graduate school when comparing himself to an individual who opted to get a real job after getting their bachelor's degree.

A) High School

+10 pts per year you were in chess club, +5 pts.
+1 point per year of foreign languages, x2 for non-European languages, x5 for dead languages (ancient Greek, Latin, etc.)
+15 pts per year for any math/science based club (Math club, physics club, etc), +5 pts for being an officer
+10 pts per year for membership in any other organizations with a GPA minimum, +2 pts for being an officer
+5 pts per year for being in band, +2 pts for choir (+1 extra point for any solos)
To convert your GPA into points (per year), subtract 3 from it and multiply by 25, rounding up. If you have a negative number, you have to subtract those points. Thus, 4.0 = 25 points, 2.5 = -13 points, etc.
+2 pts per Honors class, +4 pts per AP class, +5 pts per class taken at a College or University while still in high school
Standardized Test scoring: For AP tests, multiply your score by 3; for CLEPP, multiply score by 2; for ACT, subtract 25 then, if positive, multiply by 5; for SAT, divide by 20, subtract 50, then, if positive, double.
Subtract your rank-in-class percentile from 101. Subtract 75. If positive, multiply by 4.
+5 pts for each non-sport, non-musical competitions you were in or on a team for. If you placed, divide 5 by your placing and multiply by 3.

My High School score: 381

B) College (Bachelor's degree)

If your major(s) are a pure science, +15 points for each one; if engineering, +10 each. Half points for each minor.
If you have already graduated, convert your undergraduate hours into points by subtracting 130 from your total number of hours.
If you were on an academic scholarship, convert the award into points by calculating what percentage of your tuition was paid for, and divide by 2, (may be calculated per year).
+25 pts for each full-time semester under 8 it took you to graduate.
-75 points if you were ever on academic probation for your department or scholarship
+5 points for every full-time semester over 8 it took you to graduate.
+50 pts. for each published or presented a paper at an academic journal or conference before graduation.
+10 pts. for each 500-level course or higher taken while working on your bachelor's degree, double for 600-level, triple for 700-level
+ 3 pnts for each year spent at a private university, +2 pnts for each year spent at a vocation/technical college
-15 points for each year spent in a fraternity/sorority with a GPA requirement less than 3.5

My points for college: 315

Nerd Points: The Basics

2007-11-20T00:42:00.000Z

IV. The Basics

Here are the basics. Some of these will be expanded upon in later portions. When this occurs, points may be accumulated, even if some topics seem to be duplicated. I give my own scores for comparison; they may be considered those of a moderately above-average nerd. No score should be considered a "maximum" amount of nerdiness. The max will grow as the list develops; any portion of the list may be used to give a fairly accurate relationship between 2 potential nerds. The more of the list that is considered, the more accurate the comparison between the 2.

If you are male, + 5 pts.
If you regularly wear glasses, +5 pts.
If you regularly wear contacts, +2 pts.
If you wear glasses instead of contact for medical reasons, +3 pts.
If you have asthma, +5 pts.
If you have never had the opportunity to kiss or be kissed by the opposite sex, +10 pts.
If you wear a pocket protector, +25 pts.
If you have ever bought a pocket protector, +5 pts. for each, +5 each if it was for yourself
If you own a sliderule, +15 pts.
If you've ever written a program for a graphing calculator, +10 pts. for each.
If your voice is still changing, and you are over 16 years old, +1 point for each year over 16.
If you live with your parents, and you are over 18 years old, +3 pts. for each year over 18.
If you work in Technical Support, Computer Repair, or any other computer-related field, +5 pts.
If your job is part-time, +5 pts.
If you've ever used a social networking or online dating service, other than Myspace or Facebook, +2 points for each. (Yes, MMORPGs and FPSs count)
If you know what an MMORPG or an FPS is, +1 point each.
If you've ever played a tabletop RPG, +2 points for each campaign.
If you own more than 1 computer, +2 points for each.
If you tried to consider a gaming console in the previous question as a computer, +1 point extra for each.
For every time you've seen any one of the Lord of the Rings, +1 points.
For every time you've seen Monty Python: Search for the Holy Grail, +2 points.
+10 points for every comic book TITLE you own that is older than you are.
For every degree you have, including high school diploma, +1 point.

My score for this section: 119

NERD POINTS©: Justifications

2007-11-18T03:42:00.000Z

III. Justifications

A. Nerdiness - Some things must be agreed upon as basics, or else I understand that your view of "nerdiness" may differ from my own so widely, that this rating system, even as a guideline, is useless to you. We must have some sort of agreement on what makes on person more "nerdy" than another, especially if we are saying that "nerd" is a title anyone can bestow upon themself. To that end, I will line out those things I consider "nerdy" qualities. These are the things which would cause one person to be rated more of a nerd than another person.

Propensity for academic achievement
Interest in technology
Affinity for science fiction, fantasy, or other "escapism" genres and mediums
Enormous obsession with anything else in this list, or even a benign subject that is taken to an extreme
Social awkwardness in areas not related to the above categories, (especially when the encounter involves members of the opposite sex.

It is important to reiterate some points made in the discussion about "geeks;" a person may still be quite a high-ranking nerd, even if they fall short in one or more of these categories, or any of their subcategories, especially if they make up for it in another.

B. Gender - In the points as I lay them out, I will try to be as consistent as possible when referring to male and female nerds, as well as the similarities and differences between them. In truth, many girls may be as big, if not bigger nerds than their male counterparts. However, nerdom is another predominantly male-dominated sector, and some of the rules will reflect this. As an example, we shall consider the idea of "singleness." A large part of the stereotype of nerds is their inability to "get a date." This holds true for both males and females. However, because their are so few females in the nerd sector, it is much more difficult for a male nerd to get a date than a female nerd. If a male nerd mentions dressing up for an anime convention, I'm not sure any female, even a nerdy one, would consider this a turn-on. So for males, dressing up for an anime convention would be more "nerdy." However, for a female to dress up (depending upon what she dressed as), this would be a serious turn-on for many guys, whether or not they were nerds. So while it would still boost her nerd status in one arena (ie, dressing up as fictional character) it would low her nerd status in another (ie, ability to impress the opposite sex). So I will try to say "opposite sex" when I mean a person of the opposite sex of the individual whose nerdiness is being rated, but if a rule specifically mentions gender, then that rule is gender-specific.

NERD POINTS©: Definitions

2007-11-17T14:57:00.000Z

I. PURPOSE

At the behest of a couple of friends, I've decided to set down in print a method of tallying "Nerd Points." First off, let me say that I realize there's about a bajillion websites with interactive quizzes to rate your nerdiness; this isn't anything like that. Opinions differ widely on what makes. Some people are likely more accurate than others, but it's still a matter of opinion. If I'd been able to use the "copyleft" image in the title instead of copyright, I would have. I would like for this to be a method for others to develop their own system of rules, which may or may not be the same as mine and my friends.

II. PREAMBLE

A. NERDS -The first thing we must do to be able to provide a quantitative system of accumulating "nerd points," first we must define what a nerd is. In my opinion, the simplest definition of a nerd is recursive, (that is, uses the word in its definition). In my opinion a "nerd" is anyone who willingly calls him/herself a nerd. I realize this is a rather broad definition, but I think it is the truest. Now, I do not discount that one person can be MORE of a nerd than another, or that one person is perhaps a nerd in name only, but this simple leaves us with the task of codifying how to rank one person's nerd status. This is the goal of Nerd Points.

B. NORMIES- I also feel it is worth it to define a couple of things that a nerd is not. Individuals with a very low "nerd point" score AND uncomfortable with calling themself a nerd may consider themselves, for the purposes of this ranking system, a "normal" person (hereafter referred to as a normy). Normies may have a few points; certainly just the fact that you simply enjoyed "Lord of the Rings" or have played "Munchkin" once or twice does not make you a nerd, especially if you are uncomfortable using the word to refer to yourself. One point does not make you a nerd. Two points doesn't either. I will not set a numerical value under which you may consider yourself a "normy;" I leave that for each individual to decide for themself how comfortable they are with own nerdiness, without becoming an entire, full-blown nerd.

C. DORKS - Another category of individuals stemming from Nerd Points is simply an extension of our definition of the word "nerd." If a nerd is anyone who willingly calls him/her-self a nerd, then we need a word for people who are unwilling to call themselves "nerd." More than likely, you know someone who will fit many of the rules, and have a large amount of nerd points, yet they are unwilling to call themself a "nerd." I will refer to these individuals as "dorks." This is the line that ever "Normy" must walk for his or herself. If your nerd point score is low, there is no dishonor in not labeling yourself a "nerd." However, if your nerd point is high, and you are just in denial, then you have entered the world of the dork: awkward and unfit for "normy" society, but unwilling to commit and engage in "nerd" society.

D. GEEKS - Our final category is actually a subset of nerd. Nerdom, as we have defined it, is very broad. It encompasses many different aspects of life, from our job/school activities and hobbies, to our relationships and entertainment choices. That being said, some individuals may rank extremely high in one area, but not as high in another area. This is the "geek." They may have very specific specialized knowledge in one particular area, say the Marvel Universe or particle physics, but never could get through an extended edition DVD of Lord of the Rings. Again, I must say that, if they are willing to call themself a "nerd," they should be welcomed into the fold. They should not be looked down on for not being as much of a "nerd" as others; their specialized knowledge is a boon to them. I simply do not have the ability to award points in any specific category that I do not fall into, so any geek other than a comic book or computer geek would not receive a proportional number of points.

Spier-Man and Catwoman?

2006-06-17T03:21:00.000Z

In case you hadn't heard, the BBC has reported 2 recent shake-ups in the comic book world, Spider-Man going public and Batwoman joining the all-girls team. There are some things that I can understand and, in some manner, support when comic books take on real-world issues. I have no problem with them trying to have super-heroes face some type of real-world issues upon occassion, but these recent announcements just really hack me off.

It is one thing to have your core characters face and deal with issues, it's quite another to change those characters or go back on their established histories just so you can tow some kind of party line. I found it rather absurd and bizarre that they would change a character so drastically after 40+ years in a particular role. The issue with Spider-Man was not so much an agenda with that particular character, but the current storyline in Marvel on “Super-hero registration” is an open response to real-world government actions and a perceived overstepping of constitutional boundaries for the sake of “safety.” My screename was my dissatisfied reaction to feeling preached at by my comic books, which are supposed to be an ESCAPE from real-world stress and propaganda.

My favorite super-hero, for those of you that don't know, was the Flash. I found it a little when the Pied Piper decided to "come out" in the late 80s, but the time they are a'changin', and it offered Wally West, the third Flash, a chance to deal with this issue and learn from it. Piper has kept this part to his character, and it adds depth as well as reality to Wally's non-supero life. But for DC to take an established hero, such as Batwoman, and use her to springboard into a homosecual character just to appeal to a particular demographic or something, is not only lazy and unimaginative, but also an indignant divorce from the legacy of comic book history.

This is probably the most disappointed I've been in comic books since they reintroduced Supergirl 2 years ago without so much as a nod or a recognition of the 2 previous incarnations of the character. I mean seriously, everyone can remember Superman died, but not who filled his shoes while he was gone?

FireFox: The Way the Internet Should Be

2006-04-17T12:43:00.000Z

If you're not using firefox, well.... you really should. It is an excellent web browser. Don't just settle for IE just because it's what you're used to or because you think everyone uses it. It really isn't the best one available. And at the risk of turning this into the "Video Blog," you really should see this, then Download FireFox for yourself.

I've Never Seen Titanic, but I'd Watch This...

2006-04-13T17:58:00.000Z

This was just absolutely too excellent not to share with as many people as I could...

A Rediculous Proposal, pt. 3 (The trilogy concludes!)

2006-04-06T13:09:00.000Z

So I get to Fayetteville in about an hour, with the ring and 500 yards of red ribbon. For those of you not familiar with the University of Arkansas, there is an outdoor amphitheatre on the campus that has become quite special to myself and my fiancee. They call it the "Greek theater," which is horribly inaccurate. Apperently the thing that makes it a "Greek Theater" is the fact that the inscriptions on the posts around the stage replace the letter 'U' with the letter 'V,' (ie, "CVLTVRE, EDVCATION" etc).

But it is pretty at night, and it's where we had our first kiss, and where we would go to be alone, and where she dumped me (another story for another time). So it's been about an hour since I told Ex-Roomate I wasn't going to be coming up on Tuesday night. I's around 9:00 Monday night at this point, and I take my red ribbon and tie one end to the railing to the stairs at the top of the Greek theater. I think begin tying the ribbon spools (most of them about 10 feet long) to each other, and stringing the ribbon out the back stairs and make my way down the street to where her dorm room is. I wrap the ribbon around parking meters, parkins signs, trees, and shrubbery while I walk down the sidewalk. People are looking at me kind of odd, but this is Fayetteville afterall, so nobody really gives it much of a thought. I string the ribbon down the sidewalk, then across the street to a bike rack, and then along the back of her building, an all-girls dormitory. Once I'm to the back door, I manage to get in the building behind some girls that are coming in, and they kind of look at me odd. Technically, guys aren't allowed in the girl's dorm without an escort, so one of the girls asked me, "Um, what are you doing in here." I hold my Hobby Lobby bag full of ribbon us as an acceptable explanation and say outloud for the first time, "I'm proposing to my girlfriend tonight."

Note to potential assaulters, muggers, robbers, and ne'er-do-wells: This is the perfect cover for gaining entry into all-girl dorms without having to be monitored. At the time I was relieved the girl and her friend simply squealed and then left me alone, but in retrospect, it kinda makes me nervous that that's all a guy has to do to get into my girlfriend's living quarters if he wants. But oh well...

So anyways, the girl and her friends squeal and giggle as I continue my way up the stairs with my ribbon, tying it to the next strand 10- feet at a time. Once I get to Girlfriend's floor, I tie on a 50-foot strand and rush as quickly to her door as possible. I then scribble "What's at the other end?" on the dry-erase notepad on her door,l knock loudly on her door, and duck back down the stairwell. I lean around the corner to watch her door, waiting for her to stick her head out and begin following the ribbon. I wait several minutes and nothing happens. I go up, knock loudly again, and then realize that she is probably still with Ex-Roomate at Wal-Mart. The 2 of them could conceivably be there for hours yet, so I start wondering if I should just stand here in the stairwell and wait for her, or what I should do. I decide to hide in the stairs at the other end of the hallway, which she most likely would not come up, and wait for her to return.

I only had to wait about another 10 minutes before she came back, but considering she left for Wal-Mart for I left Fort Smith, that gave her about an hour and a half at Wal-Mart with ER, and all she had to show for it was a single plastic bag. As she walked down the hallway, she glanced quizzically at the ribbon but shrugged it off, until she noticed it terminated at her door, and saw what was written on the dry-erase board. Figuring she would not take too much time in trying to figure out what it was all about, I RAN down the stairs and back to the greek theater. I tie another 50-footer to the railing and begin leading it across the rows of seats up to the stage, where we had kissed...

...now, at this point, I feel like I must explain something about Girlfriend. I love her to death; please understand that before misreading what I'm about to say. She is the most kind, loving, considerate woman God ever placed on this green earth, and she makes every morning worth getting out of bed, even on those days I won't get to see her. Now that being said, there is a rather prominent character flaw in Girlfriend that I am having to learn to adjust to. It is not a "character flaw" in the sense that it makes her a bad person, or overshadows her other qualities, but it does exhibit an extremely pervasive effect on her life and her lifestyle. It does not keep me from loving her, but it does cause me to have problems judging certain portions of our relationship now, and in the future. Now that I have given the prequalifiers for it, I feel and I reasonable reveal this imperfection marring an otherwise unblemished personality.

My girlfrience, fiancee, soone-to-be-wife, and friend is.....slow. Now, I don't mean that in the colloqualism for unintelligent, because she is one of the brightest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I mean she moves slow. And by slow, I mean sloooooowwwww. I know what you're thinking, "Guys always complain about girls making them late." Every single friend we have, male and female both, remarks at the slowness of Girlfriend. She walks slow. She eats slow. She takes hours in the bathroom at times. She is regularly the last one to show up, and the last one to leave. I have been with the woman for over 3 years and I remember her actually running once in those three years, (please note the caveat that this is what I remember), and that one time involved an extreme desire on her part to obtain some cheese enchiladas. But that's it. One time in three years. And I've been on intramural sports teams with her. I do not mean to sound judgemental or condescending. I simply wish to accurately reflect this fact so that you, the reader, will understand what happened next.

I ran down the stairs and back to the Greek Theater to finish putting the ribbon across to the stage. I got from the stairs at the top to the side-steps of the stage, when I looked and she started coming down the stairs. Had somebody called her and told her that the entire cast of Alias was riding around the Greek Theater on pink hippopotami and throwing $100 dollar bills to the onlookers, it would have taken her a minimum of 15 minutes to get there. But there she was, mere seconds behind me, coming down the stairs trying to figure out what was going on. She was at the stage before I'd even been able to get the ring out, and as I fumbled with it to pull it out of my pocket I got down on one knee. Sticking the final end of the ribbon into the box haphazardly, I held it up to her and asked her if she would mind spending the rest of her life with my. She cried as I put the ring on, but didn't even look at it.

She just put her arms around me, and we stayed like for what seemed like hours, was probably more like minutes, but in either case wasn't near long enough, because right now I'm sitting at a computer desk typing these words onto a screen, and she's in class somewhere, and we won't get to see each other again for probably a couple of weeks. But for that moment she was the only woman on earth, I was the only man on earth, and the planet wasn't any bigger than an amphitheater stage.

A Rediculous Proposal, pt. 2

2006-03-30T22:12:00.000Z

When last we saw our heroes, I had given up the idea of proposing to Girlfriend on our two-and-a-half year anniversary, not for the sensible reason that we really should be past counting 6-month anniversaries, nor for the more sensible reason that it would be about almost a year before we could reasonably expect to wed, but it was instead due to my almost clincal obsession with doing things unexpected. I had been thwarted by Girlfriend's being suddenly stricken with the "observant" virus (quite possibly for the first time in here life), as well as JS's insistence that if I did show up on Tuesday, I would be proving that all boys are liars. So it is Monday night, JS and Girlfriend are at Wal-Mart, and I'm an hour away at work with 500 yards of red ribbon and a shiny thing in my pocket.

So at this point in my illustrious post-collegiate career, I was working in Technical Support. Yes, I am the guy that asks you if your computer is plugged into the wall because it won't turn on. No, it's not because you're an idiot (although there's a 75% chance you are), and it's not because I want to make you feel like an idiot because I know more about your computer than you do about your children (as demonstrated by your confusion over why you are suddenly getting pop-up ads for pornographic websites when nobody but Timmy has been on your machine). It is instead because the LAST person I talked to today, I spent 15 minutes with trying to figure out her problem before finding out that she didn't see the need to plug in a phone line if she wanted to connect to the internet.

Anyways, this was the wonderful, exciting, effervescent day I was having when I was told all boys were liars and my fiancee actually expected (*gasp & shudder*) me to do something the next night. It was about 8:00 pm on Monday night, and the only other person working at that hour is our Spanish interpreter and Technical Support agent. He had seen the CADD sketches & printouts I had gotten from the jeweler, but not the actual ring. I showed very few people, actually... got into a couple of fights with my parents over it. See, the way I see it is, even though I hadn't given it to her yet, that ring was Girlfriend's. It was hers to have, and it was hers to show off. Now I did show my parents, and I showed my boss at work, who had given me a lot of time off and some relationship advice, and who I really respected and was quite grateful for.

My parents however, considered the fact that their one and only son actually found a woman that could be reasonable expected to say "yes" when asked if she would spend the rest of her life with me, that fact was looked on as little less than a miracle of sweet Jesus. And that ring was something of a Holy Grail, vindicating them to all those individuals who were doubtful of their ability to raise productive (in any & every sense of the word) offspring. No less notable was the fact that their son also designed the ring, and paid for the entire thing himself before giving it to her. And so, they were quite frustrated at the fact that there were not streamers and confetti and 76 trombones in celebration, not to mention the fact that I was not in a hurry to show all of their friends her ring.

So, while Interpreter had seen the drawings and new I was planning "something," he had no idea what. However, he heard in my cubicle getting more and more frustrated throughout the day, and it didn't involved people who had "deleted their spacebar" (actual quote) or whose computers were being "hacked by the CIA" (other actual quote), and he asked what was up. I sheppishly explained my predicament of not being able to propose when I wanted to (the next night), and asked if he minded if I left early. He looked at the clock, shrugged, and said "Sure."

Elation.

And so me, the ring, and 500 yards of red ribbon hopped in my car, and drove to Fayetteville.

...to be continued..

A Ridiculous Proposal

2006-03-10T22:00:00.000Z

Yes, after a mere 8 months since my last update, I've decided it's time for a new blog post. I know, I'm too productive. So I'll just blame the long delay on Girlfriend. That seems to work out just fine. It really is her fault. If she hadn't made me want to marry her so danged much... ...oh, what's that? You didn't know I was getting married? Psssh.... where've you been for the past 7 months? So it went something like this:

I was actually wanting to put up something suspicious here on the blog, and then pop the question, but I figured she would see through that. So, the weeks leading up to the actual proposal were spent with scheming and planning. First step? Buy 500 feet of red ribbon. Do you have any idea the looks you get when carrying an armload of red ribbon around Hobby Lobby? I dunno if it was just the fact I was a guy buying ribbon, or if it was the 50+ rolls of ribbon in my arms, but something got me several strange, "That doesn't look like a reasonable hobby" looks from other patrons and employees of the craft store. It was fun enough I didn't attempt an explanation.

So I had all my supplies about a week before the intended Date Of Proposal (DOP). The original DOP was supposed to be August 23rd, which was the two-and-a-half year anniversary of our relationship. I have been told repeatedly by various individuals that I respect that I have no business counting 6-month "anniversaries" in a dating relationship, at least none after the first one. That combined with the fact that we technically hadn't dated, since I originally asked her out when I had no money, no car, and we never actually got to go anywhere besides on-campus events. But she had spent the majority of 2 and a half years putting up with, and making me feel like I was the only man on planet earth, and knowing that chicks dig mushy crap like that, I decided I'd ask on that day.

So we're one week away from the DOP, and I start trying to figure out how to get up there and perpetrate the proposal, which I'd actually had planned out for about a year. However, in hinged on being able to predict where she would be, so as to surprise her. And by surprise, I don't mean, "Oh gee, how sweet, there's a ring in my champagne glass, he wants to marry me!"

I was shooting more along the lines of, "Holy crap, how much does it even cost to do skywriting over the Whitehouse lawn during the inauguration of the president?" So I began trying to find out where she would be. For those of you in the audience that don't know, she lives an hour away from me, and I worked 'til 9:00 p.m. every day. So I'd have to figure out where she was going to be, and drive up there after work to execute The Plan.

So over the course of a few days, I asked what her Tuesday afternoons looked like, and tried asking a few of her friends if they ever "go together" on Tuesdays. I was hoping to track her down either right before, or immediately after, the Worship service she attended on Tuesday nights at 7:15. Well, we got to the day for the DOP, and her former roomate starts saying how they'd figured out that, since I'd been asking so many weird quesitons, and the next day was our anniversary, that I must have been planning something.

I told Ex-Roomate to leave it alone, that I was trying to surprise her. Instead of trying to convey the exact conversation, I will simply insert here exerpts from the actual IM conversation...

[17:02] ME: So what is she expecting for tomorrow?
[17:02] ME: I mean, if I just came up and went to Christ on Campus, do you think that would make her happy?
[17:02] ER: she's not expecting anything really. she's pretty convinced that you're not coming. but she sort of suspects it.
[17:02] ME: but something afterwards? I get off work @9:00, so mabe we could hang out afterwards.
[17:03] ER: i dunno. i'm sure she'd like it.
[17:17] ME: Yeah, but then I have to be @ work @ 8:00 Wednesday, hmmmmm
[17:17] ME: Well, I get to see her this weekend, I had some kind of neat stuff planned for then.
[17:18] ER: i'm just saying a tiiiiiiiiiny part of her suspects something........but she doesn't have her hopes up and she is convinced you're not coming.
[17:24] ER: and i'm not in the least convinced you're not coming.
[17:27] ME: lol, too many negatives in that sentence
[17:28] ME: but I guess you'll just have to wait and see if my absence tomorrow convinces you I'm not there
[17:29] ER: boys are only good at two things: being cute (and that is only sometimes) and lying.
[17:29] ER: and that is all the time.
[17:29] ME: :'( That makes me so sad.
[17:30] ME: You do realize what you've just done, don't you?
[17:30] ME: If, and that's a big IF I'm neither confirming nor denying, I was planning on coming tomorrow, you just pretty much guaranteed that I can't...
[17:31] ME: b/c if (again big IF), I showed up, I simply be confirming that all boys are liars.
[17:31] ME: So, now I CAN'T come tomorrow.
[17:31] ER: yay!
[17:32] ME: good job, You just allowed your bitterness against this half of the human race to (potentially) affect me, her, and whoever else may or may not have known about what was, or was not, going to happen tomorrow night.
[17:33] ER: i rock.
[17:34] ER: and it's not bitterness so much as the truth.

[insert phone call here, I reveal The Plan to Ex-Roomate, then decide not to come on Tuesday night since they know about it, and ER threatens to shoot me in the face with a bazooka. end phone call]

[18:02] ME: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
[18:02] ME: It's final.
[18:02] ER: JORDAN SOMETHING SALLIS!
[18:02] ME: I'm not coming tomorrow night
[18:03] ER: NOTHING IS GOING TO BE BETTER THAN THAT. NOW YOU JUST HAVE TO GIVE HER A SECOND RATE PROPOSAL.
[18:03] ME: No I don't.
[18:03] ER: AND I WILL TELL HER THAT IT WAS GOING TO BE CUTER.
[18:03] ME: you would be lying
[18:03] ER: and that i broke it.
[18:03] ME: you can tell her that
[18:04] ER: your 2.5 year anniversary is perfect. and i don't matter. so what if i sort of but not really saw it coming?
[18:04] ME: lol, If ANYONE saw it coming, it wasn't original enough.
[18:05] ME: I just have to find something more *creative* and unexpected
[18:05] ME: I could see how much the jumbotron at the football stadium costs :-)
[18:06] ER: THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!
[18:06] ME: but now you know about it, so I can't do it :-D
[18:06] ME: besides, I hate athletics, I'm not gonna share that moment with the freakin' footbal team
[18:07] ER: THEN QUIT TELLING ME STUFF!! AND WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER??? I WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY, OH I KNEW. I'LL BE LIKE, THAT'S THE CUTEST THING EVER! IF I WAS GOING TO GET MARRIED, I'D WANT TO BE PROPOSED TO LIKE THAT.
[18:07] ME: rofl, you left your caps lock key on :-)
[18:20] ER: i might actually hate you.
[18:22] ME: Don't get mad at ME just becuase YOU feel guilty for ruining a perfectly good surprise. ;-)
[18:22] ER: I DIDN'T RUIN IT. I JUST SORT OF KNEW ABOUT IT.
[18:22] ME: ROFL, at least you'll know not ALL boys are liars :-)
[18:24] ER: all boys are not liars.
[18:24] ME: :-) especially me, but it's okay if you hate me
[18:24] ME: You're not the important one ;-)
[18:26] ER: especially you. you are a very nice boy. She is very lucky to have you. (and you are EXTREMELY lucky to have her.)
[18:26] ER: and not so much lucky as blessed.
[18:35] ME: The funny thing, her dad has NEVER told me I didn't deserve her, which is supposed to be fairly universal among fathers.
[18:37] ER: SHE LOVES YOU. YOU TWO BELONG TOGETHER.
[18:38] ME: I sure hope so. :-)
[18:38] ME: Because that would make me very happy. :-)

So that all occurred on Monday night, and I decided if ER knew what I was planning for Tuesday night, and Girlfriend was suspicious I was going to show up, I just scrapped it. I wasn't going to do something EXPECTED. So what was I going to do?....

...TO BE CONTINUED....

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

2005-08-02T17:07:00.000Z

Okay, so I'm not just a HUGE Star Wars fan. I'm a reasonable 210 ...ahem... okay, okay, 220 lb. Star Wars fan. I went to see Episode 3 opening night, but didn't camp out or anything. Or go in costume. Or wear freaky face paint. I wasn't even sure I was going to get to go, until my totally awesome friend Lance invited me to go with him. Once at the theater, I looked about and couldn't find him amidst teeny-boppers and pasty-faced basement-dwellers whose mom dropped them off but reminded them they had to be at work in the morning. I walked off to find a quieter place to use my cellphone and give him a call, when this kinda creepy looking guy with a shaved head and a goatee any wookie would be proud of started making his way to me. Oh wait... that's Lance.

Anyways, this isn't a movie review, it's just to state that I'm not gah-gah for Star Wars. I just like it. It falls into the broad category of things that I would prefer to participate in rather than spectate, such as: the olympics, tennis, rugby, cooking, football, and girl's gymnastics. Oh wait, how'd that get in there?

Anyways, I think it's a neat universe, with cool species, imaginative technology, and spiffy special effects, but like I said, I would prefer to participate in it. How, you may ask? How does one participate in something that occurred a long, long time ago in a galaxy created specifically to boost George Lucas's bank account? Easy, my friends: the wonders of ROLE PLAYING! That's right. That evil spawn of heck that has sentenced countless teenage souls to the purgatory of social isolation and spawned more made-for-TV movies in the 1980s than Mary Lou Retton.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm starting a Star Wars Role playing campaign here in the Fort of Smith, and so far, all my players are members of my church, including 2 deacons and our pastor's kids. I'm still trying to coax my dad into playing. It isn't the bizarre abandonment of reality that bothers him, or the connection to the otherworldly "force" that's holding him back. It's the staying up past 10:00pm to play.

So anywho, I've got about 7 victi... errr, ummm.... I mean, players that are getting heroes together to run around and try to save the galaxy. I start my adventures around level 10. Basically that means the heroes aren't going to be hard pressed to find or fly a transport off their planet (think episode IV). They can be more concerned with, say, acting as a strike-force and taking out an entire Imperial ground base. I think the latter lends itself towards more excitement. Anywho, once we get the game up and rolling (pun intended, so sue me), I'll paste their/our adventures here on my blog. Unless you think that'd be totally absurd. Just let me know.

Hear comes the groom, skinny as a...

2005-07-21T19:13:00.000Z

Okay, so I didn't say anything about the nifty weekend I had with my girlfriend. Running through airports carrying 2 suitcases and a backpack is not that hard, unless you're also trying to follow someone who's idea of "leading" is "wait for someone else to show me where to go." I'm fairly certain if I hadn't made her give me the tickets, she would have tried to leave me. No exaggeration: We're in the Atlanta airport, trying to get to our concourse, and we find the tram that goes to concourse C. She is standing in front of me, just standing there, as people rush onto the tram. Once the doors start closing, she waits a fraction of a second, then bolts in, making it just in time to have the doors slam in my face. Good times.

But anyways, the trip there I got told hold my girlfriends hair back as she used the little doggy bags (no, not for the onboard Easter Egg hunt). There's just something about holding a paper sack full of your loved one's vomit that just creates a bond beyond words. And by "bond" I mean "bitterness that she wouldn't take the danged dramamine." But we got there okay with all of our luggage, if not a few ounces a lighter.

Friday night was fun. I was assigned to stay in the same hotel room her brother (SF) was, and didn't wreak nearly the havok you probably thought I would. While he was worrying about all the things that might go wrong, Lance I and began to see who could come up with the worst "worst case scenario" possible. I think we finally tied when he hypothesized that the wedding could be struck by a massive tornado, and all those in attendence could be crushed underneath the wreakage of the demolished church, only to have our minds still active, but our bodies totally destroyed, living out the rest of our days as vegetables, a constant burden to our families with no way to interact with the outside world. Mine was that maybe Amy would turn out to be a transvestite. At that point we decided to stop the game.

I would like to think that later in the evening I was a bit more supportive. While he was fretting and tossing and turning and moaning about "what if, what if, what if" etc, worried that he and Amy might be making a terrible mistake, I asked him, "SF, what's the most important thing in your life righr now?" He responded, "Um, God." So I asked, "And what's the second most important thing in your life?" Without hestitating, "Amy." "Relax," I said, "You'll be fine." (Joey gave me commendation later on for having my first positive interaction with SF in the 3 years we've known each other).

On further contemplation, I may have been over simplifying the situation. Yes, marraige is forever. Yes, this was a strict covenant between God, SF, and Amy, and yes, it was going to affect the rest of their lives. Perhaps they aren't "right" for each other. Maybe they don't know "everything" about each other. Maybe they forgot to tell each other that Amy releases half her weight in methane each night while she sleeps and SF thinks cultivating CDC-banned mold cultures in his shower is a viable hobby. But in my, under-experienced, technically-single, never-been-married, immature view of marraige, as long as each member makes his/her first responsibility to God, and second to their spouse, everything else can be taken care of in its time.

Of course, I pray that's the way it is. Otherwise, my longest romantic relationship would only last as long as my first spoken sentence to the other person.

#2 on my amusing interactions with SF came when one of his best men, who has been married for about 2 years, was trying to give him some actual helpful, experienced advise: "Always argue naked." While he was trying to line up all the reasons (some serious, some not) why this was a viable means of conflict resolution, I just could not see the benefit of it. While he was in the midst of explaining how it would change your perspective on the situation, I simply noted, "That's ridiculous. You can't argue with a naked angry woman. At least, no man is ever gonna WIN an argument with a naked woman. He'll just end up distracted and then desperate to agree with anything, so long as she'll stay naked." SF turned to me and said, "How do YOU know?" I just responded, "Don't worry, your sister has never been that angry with me." To his credit, he did not throw anything at me that was technically hotel property.

The wedding itself was just lovely. I wish I could remember the name of the college, because it had the most beautiful campus I've been to, (and that's including www.hot-coeds.edu). Amy became a Christian while in school, so she opted to have the ceremony at the campus chapel. The chapel itself had beautiful large stain-glass windows which, despite being tinted like an Easter-candy induced hallucination, filled the room with glorious sunlight (sorry, feeling a bit melodramatic). The ceremony was very.... well.... ceremonial, how about that? That's a good term for it. Imagine a wedding ceremony were there is no flower girl, ring bearer, or "speak now or forever hold your peace" just so that there are fewer ways the ceremony could not go picture perfect. Well, it was very picture perfect. Except of course for the candle up on the altar that was left from some as-of-yet-unidentified ceremony the night before. It was a rainbow-colored ankh. Nobody noticed it 'til the ceremony had already started. :-)

In any case, my girlfriend read her passage from Luke loud and clear where everyone could hear, and there was much rejoicing. And there was much receptioning. I swear though, if any of you are ever at my wedding, PLEASE make it a party. The actual wedding can be a little slow on the excitement factor, but I don't think I heard anyone laughing in a loudish manner at the reception besides Joey and myself, and, well... that just doesn't count.

Anyways, if I was to recount all the horror stories of things I did to poor SF this past weekend, you would probably deny you ever knew me. Of course, if you DON'T know me and just read through this whole blog for the heck of it:
A) you're really weird
B) get a life
C) if you want to know more, just post a comment and I'll fill you in :-)

Comic books!

2005-07-14T18:18:00.000Z

Okay, for those of you not "in the know," new comic books come out every Wednesday, (unless there is a national holiday Sunday-Wednesday, in which case they're pushed back). This means that Wednesday is usually a really good day for me. Last week we had the 4th of July, but not only were books pushed back a day, but Mike (this will probably be the only time I ever explain that "Mike" owns the comic book store I buy from. From now on whenever I say Mike, I will either say Mike (comics) or Mike (boss), and you can figure out who I'm talking about)... So anyways, since it was 4th of July, Mike (comics) was closing down the store to go on a family vacation, so I had to wait a full week for new things. Which was actually really freaking awesome, because yesterday I got 2 weeks worth of issues.

Also, another fyi for you non-comic readers: Summer is as awesome at the comic book stand as it is at the movie theatre. Big titles, crossovers, & events are scheduled from late May to early September, and this year is no different.

Over at Marvel, we've got "House of M." Basic stoyline: Last year, Scarlet Witch lost her grip on reality, seeming as how her mutant power lets her CHANGE reality. So she had a mental breakdown and in the wake of it, "Disassembled" the Avengers, killing three of them and causing a big enough raucous that the group disbands. After her collapse, Magneto, who GASP! isn't dead! comes to collect her body and see if he can make her better. Well, he can't. Heck, Charles Xavier even can't. So, we have a big pow-wow with all the XMen and the New Avengers as to what to do about her. But, before a decision gets made, everything fades to white... and a new reality is born, the "House of M."

Here, Spider-Man is a national celebrity, Dr. Doom leads the Fantastic Four, mutants run the political and economic environment of the world, and Jean Grey is still dead (just in case you were wondering). Marvel's summer event focuses on what it would take to make each of its major characters truly happy, (or at least, content enough not to ask too many questions), as spin offs in about every one of its Non-Ultimate titles. The idea isn't that the world is a Utopia, but it's good enough for the "heroes" that none of them want to more closely examine that little something inside of them that says something is off.

That is, everyone of course except Mr. Marvel himself. Yup, Logan knows something is off, and it's up to him to save, or fix, or change, or restore, or whatever... the universe. The big mystery is supposed to be about whether or not the changed universe was intentional, and if it was, who's behind it: Scarlet With, or Magneto. Of course, for me, the big mystery is, when will Marvel stop pretending and just start calling it "The Wolverine Universe." I mean seriously, the guy was on about 5 or 6 "New Avengers" covers before he even appeared INSIDE of one.

On to DC, my original love.
This summer's "Countdown to Infinite Crisis" keeps building up more and more hype. Lots of hype. I hate to use the word "hype," because it usually implies a build up to something that's a let down. We shall see. DC is obviously playing off the monumental "Crisis on Infinite Earths" from the 80s, but whether or not this delivers the same punch is yet to be seen. COIE totally changed the way the DC Universe operated. It made the entire DC portfolio of characters able to exist and interact with each other. Whether or not Countdown will have similarly long-lasting impact and meeting will be seen in September, but for now, it has produced a couple titles I'm digging.

Wonder Woman's original protege, Donna Troy, is coming back (big surprise). The event started with an examination of her new life with the Gods of New Croius (or whatever), and has now finally reuinted her, (althought currently delusional and rather hostile), with her former teamates in Outsiders and Teen Titans. Meanwhile, the JSA have been valiantly fighting the Spectre and an Eclipso-possessed Jean Loring. This has been tying into "Days of Vengence" which has been my favorite of the Countdown titles. It involves the Spectre (God's instrument of Vengence) being seduced by Eclipso-ized Jean Loring(Force of Chaotic Retribution/disgruntles housewife and divorcee), into trying to destroy all magic-users in the DV Universe. So far, they've been fairly successful.

Villains United is my next favorite. It follows the "Secret Six," the only supervillains willing to stand up to Luthor and his evil Society. This issue, the Secret Six were tortured/interrogated by the society, only to have Catman get all stabbity with Captain Nazi (I'm fairly certain that really is his name) and, more specifically his eyeballs. Those of you not fond of seeing a handful of hypodermic needles jabbed into each eye socket should probably skip this issue. We'll just say the 6 made a successful escape.

In other news, Superman's gone off his rocker. It's been indicated that it is most likely Maxwell Lord using his mind control powers on him. So far, we have seen him thinking he has been fighting Brainiac and Darkseid for the lives of his loved ones, and when he finally comes to, he has been Batman into a bloody pulp. The only thing that I have against Omac Project is....MAXWELL LORD?!?!?! I keep looking to see if I can't find more recent references to him. Originally, he was the financial patron of the Justice League, then took a more backseat role, then got some kind of funky brain cancer, then controled by robot, then got turned into a robot, and then was killed. Now, this wouldn't be the first time a good guy went bad. Or the first time somebody that was thought dead showed up not dead any more without much of an explanation. But I'm fairly certain this is the first time both have occurred simulaneously with the same character. Oh well, it made JLA: Classified that much more enjoyable, to see Maxwell Lord hanging out with (and not murdering) Blue Bettle. If anyone can clear up what Lord's been up to more recently, PLEASE let me know.

So anyways, there's your rundown (sorta) of yesterday's comic run. I haven't read most of the House of M ones, b/c I'm going to be spending some time this weekend in airplanes & airports, and wanted to give myself something fun to do.

WoW won't let me log in

2005-07-12T23:47:00.000Z

So usually when I'm exceedingly bored, I log onto the World of Warcraft forums and harass people on there, but Blizzard has released a new patch and, true to form, brought their servers down. I'm not complaining though. I was just able to get a GM override to gain leadership over my guild. That means I now have full administrative rights over "Vote for Pedro." All those interested in joining, post a comment here! :-D I'm rather excited since our previous "leaders" haven't logged in since March.

Also, I'm very proud of myself for NOT going into catatonic convulsions. Mike (the guy who owns the comic book shop I frequent) was closed last week for a silly "family vacation" revolving around the 4th of July. Pssssh. Whatever. So tomorrow, I will get 2 whole weeks of comic books all at once! It's a good time I'm gonna have some plane time on Friday. I hope I can wait 'til then to read them, otherwise I'm likely to explode.

Latest Tests

2005-07-12T23:27:00.000Z

Part Freaky Kisser

When you kiss, you want to experience something new
A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing...
And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable
There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go

Part Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play
You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party
Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare
And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 37% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell...

But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

Not the I'm particularly surprised, but I do feel a bit tawdry. Oh well.

You Are 69% American

Most times you are proud to be an American.
Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe
Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home.
You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

How American Are You?

P... Phosphorous
You scored 45 Mass, 42 Electronegativity, 50 Metal, and 70 Radioactivity!

You're high energy... really high. Unfortunately, you don't always put
your energy to calm constructive use and sometimes let it all out in
intense bursts. If your energy can be harnessed however, you will
produce truly great things. I suggest you take up a job that runs you
ragged... like opening and closing a Sodium-Potassium pump. Socially
you ought to hang with a crowd that is even more social than you. If
you don't, well... all those people who spontaneously combusted
throughout history... you guessed it, phosphorous people who didn't
have enough to occupy themselves. When picking friends make sure most
of them rated high on the electronegativity scale... Chlorines, Oxygens
and whatnot.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 70% on Mass
You scored higher than 80% on Electroneg
You scored higher than 43% on Metal
You scored higher than 92% on Radioactivity

Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Your Summer Anthem is Speed of Sound by Coldplay

All that noise, and all that sound,
All those places I got found.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.

You're out of your mind this summer, in a good way.

What's Your 2005 Summer Anthem?

You Are 17 Years Old

17

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You Know You're From Arkansas When...

"Vacation" means goin' through Harrison on the way to Branson.

Down South, to you, means Louisiana.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncin' Ouachita or Possum Grape.

You know what Toad Suck and Booger Holler are.

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and comes with cole slaw on top.

You say catty-wampus and tumped over.

You know the difference between a deer dog, a duck dog and a coon dog by the way they bark.

Pulaski County is considered a foreign or exotic place.

You consider being a "Beef Queen" an honor.

You faithfully drink Pepsi, Mt. Dew, or Dr. Pepper everyday of your life.

You know what a "cow drop" is.

You have your own secret bbq sauce.

You know how to snipe hunt.

You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.

You visit the Arkansas State Fair mainly to see your neighbor's prize chicken.

You've been invited to or had a bunkin' party.

You abhor homosexuality, but love "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

You'd rather be No. 1 in football than No. 1 in education.

You think that recycling means riding your bike down the same old path.

You think orange barrels are really part of the interstate system.

When the forecast calls for an inch of snow, you run out with all the other crazies to stand in line for three hours to buy a month's worth of groceries.

You drink sweet iced tea out of a sports bottle.

Your traditional Thanksgiving dinner is a deep-fried turkey.

You call a shopping cart a buggy.

You see "No Hunting" signs are riddled with bullet holes.

You think "Animal House" is the training film for incoming athletes at the University of Arkansas

The three food groups are Velveeta, pork rinds and a six-pack.

Everyone you think of as a "liberal" is either Methodist or Catholic.

You think that Bill Clinton is a lyin', cheatin' sumbitch, but you'd still vote for him again in a heartbeat because he's OUR lyin' cheatin' sumbitch.

You've "offered" someone an "ass-whoopin'. " (

When you give directions they include "over yonder," "down the road a piece," and "right near."

You're not commitment-phobic: you love God, guns and football.

You'd rather have a Budweiser beer museum than a presidential library.

You think pinto beans are nekkid without hamhocks, cornbread and buttermilk.

Sweet milk and torn up biscuits in a glass is your favorite dessert.

You think bagels are nothing but a cruel doughnut joke invented by some Yankee!

You eat at Senor Tequila's for atmosphere and Lolita's Tex-Mex for salsa.

You say, "I voted for Clinton to get him out of the state."

You own three cars and one license plate.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arkansas.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

You Know You're Addicted to Video Games When...

Your wife tells you that you are, and you two kids; Mario, and Sonic; agree with her.

Whenever something bad happens you reach for the pause button.

You can microwave and eat a pizza pop using only your feet.

You've spent so much time playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 -- you actually taught youself how to skateboard.

You've worn out the buttons in the elevator of your apartment.

The only joystick you play with anymore is plugged in to your Xbox.

You've decided you won't go outside anymore due to the 'tacky graphics, poor sound and low playability.'

You've moved your PS2 into the bathroom -- just in case you make it to the next level on Vice City.

Your hands are so gnarled from gripping the controller, you can't even tie your shoes.

You ask your doctor how many lives you have left.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to video games.

Get Your Own Addicted Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Pointless Tests to Keep Me Occupied

2005-07-01T23:34:00.000Z

Yes, I take internet tests. There are days they are the only things that keep me sane.

Rather disappointed by this one...

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!.....{gasp}....HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Predictions for the future....

2005-07-01T23:14:00.000Z

Voila! My first blog. I have no reason to think anyone will find this interesting enough to read, but it will give me a place to vent while I'm at work. I work in technical support, so I listen to people complain all day about how they shouldn't have to plug in their phone line just to get onto the internet (yes, actual conversation), why they don't have a start button on the lower-right corner of their iMac (actual conversation), and how we should be helf financial liable for someone losing saved email when they formatted their harddrive (actual conversation). If you understood any of that, please have pity on me. If you didn't, move on, b/c you're not gonna get anything from this blog.

Most likely this will be a place for me rant about bizarre/surreal/jackass (can I say that here?) callers I get, since I can't actually tell paying customers to take a long walk off of a short pier. Other frequent topics of conversation will be comic books, World of Warcraft, events at my church, my girlfriend, trying to get by living with my parents still, and how all those things collide.

Again, not that you'll want to hear about it. But that's what I'll be talking about.

So get used to it or leave...